


If at First You don’t succeed, redefine Success

by WinryWeiss



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: (one day I’ll write proper platy!Perry fic – but today’s not the day), Ambiguous Species, Canon Compliant, M/M, Mute Perry the Platypus (Phineas and Ferb), Mute!Perry, Post-Canon, Power Couple, Self-Indulgent, Trapped, not MML compliant, pick your Perry (compliant both with canon platy!Perry and human!Perry AU), timeline: O.W.C.A. Files
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:40:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27332812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinryWeiss/pseuds/WinryWeiss
Summary: A new villain makes a grand entrance.Or maybe not as grand, if you askcertainagent.
Relationships: Heinz Doofenshmirtz/Perry the Platypus
Comments: 12
Kudos: 75
Collections: Perryshmirtz Week 2020





	If at First You don’t succeed, redefine Success

**Author's Note:**

> Written for PerryShmirtz Week 2020 – Day 1: Backstory / **First Meeting**

“And this is how I’ll take over the Tri-State Area!”

Perry would have rolled his eyes, but he was preoccupied with scrutinising the handcuffs that were firmly clasped around his wrists. They were sturdy and smooth, a rather futuristic look completed by a neon led light where a lock should have been.

“Huh. Not bad,” admitted Heinz. “ _In theory_ , that’s not a bad plan at all.”

“Oh, so you recognise my brilliance?” smirked Mister Destructo.

“No, not really,” stated Doofenshmirtz.

The new self-proclaimed threat of Tri-State Area looked from agent Platypus to agent Ocelot and back again in futile attempt to find any resemblance of common sense, the confusion from their unexpected behaviour derailing his carefully prepared scheme.

Perry shrugged. He would have thrown his hands wide, had they not been bound.

“First of all, it simply wouldn’t work.” Heinz continued, unperturbed by the confinement of the trap and the unpleasant static buzz coming from O.W.C.A.’s communicators. “Trust me, been there, done that, and the results…” Doof’s voice trailed off, lost in memory. “You remember the fiasco with the big laundry, do you?” he turned to his partner.

Perry chuckled, attempting to cover his amusement by a fake cough. He remembered that deranged scheme way too well.

Mostly, he remembered the dress Heinz ended up in.

Ah, fond memories.

“Ummm,” Destructo found himself suddenly unsure how to proceed any further.

To lessen the blow to his ego, that was a common behaviour when one came across Heinz Doofenshmirtz for the first time.

“What _I mean_ ,” clarified Heinz, drawing the attention back to himself, “your presentation is actually quite good, though it’s lacking some sort of a climax, some build-up, if you know what I, oh, perhaps a song would be a good option.”

“ _What?_ ” asked Mister Destructo.

Even though he would never admit it aloud, Perry agreed. A song might have been a nice diversion. Although, Heinz by himself proved to be just the kind of diversion Perry needed to furtively search for any way to get rid of those annoying handcuffs.

“You need some sort of a stanza… no, that’s not the word I’m looking for, forget that one. Some sort of a grand revelation if you would, to make the monologue memorable. Since your motivation is, well…” Heinz propped his head on his hands, looking meaningfully at the villain, “way too common, I’m afraid.”

Perry’s eyebrows rose in surprise.

“ _How did you get out of the handcuffs?!_ ” shrieked the villain. 

“This?” Doof wiggled his fingers. “Cup-stacking world champion, baby,” grinned the former menace of Tri-State Area. “It’s all about dexterity, watch.” Heinz waved at Perry with an empty palm, then he folded his fingers into a fist, one by one in a smooth movement that perturbed Perry in ways he would not like to dwell upon. Heinz unfolded his fingers with a flourish, a shiny nickel between his middle and forefinger. He travelled the coin between his fingers, back and forth, all the way from his forefinger to his pinkie. He tossed the coin high in the air with a flick of his thumb.

And then he failed to catch it. The coin bounced from Heinz’ palm, rolled along the outskirt of the contraption of evil that trapped both agents, and ended its’ unplanned journey in the depths of the main control panel of the whole device.

The silence descended onto the room.

“Well, that’s embarrassing.” Heinz scratched the back of his head, chuckling nervously.

Only then the control panel sizzled, sparks of electricity erupting in an angry hiss, the light in the room flickered and went out. The trap defused, handcuffs opened, and both agents tumbled back to the floor. Heinz landed on his backside with a yelp, Perry gracefully assumed a defensive position by his side, straightening up his fedora in preparation for the fight.

“That’s why you should never leave the circuits unprotected!” complained Heinz, rubbing his sore backside.

And Perry wanted to kiss him. Or kick him. Or maybe both. It was always hard to decide when it came to his impossible idiot. But there were more pressing matters at hand, not to mention the fact, that O.W.C.A.’s cameras and communicators were back on. And the sooner Perry would deal with this wannabe evil overlord, the sooner he would have Heinz’ nimble fingers all for himself.

It was a pity, somehow. This new villain looked promising.

But quite frankly, no one could surpass _his_ mad scientist.


End file.
